BEFORE YOU MARRY1(Dr. Ahmad Abubakar Mahmud Gumi)


These days we hear about fatal
disagreements between spouses.
We heard a wife setting her
husband ablaze, a man shooting
his girlfriend etc. the underlying
problem is that people are
generally oblivious over what
should and what shouldn’t attract
them to marry a person.
First and foremost, you should
know who you are marrying. i.e the
character of the person. In a
Hadith: “if someone whom you are
pleased with religiously and
character wise proposes to marry
from you, you should marry out to
him, otherwise there will be turmoil
on earth and great mischief”
For a man it is relatively easier
than for women to ascertain a
man’s character. That is why the
sharia stipulated a Waliy for the
woman to enable her scrutinize the
man to marry. Both spouses need
to know who they are marrying. It is
very critical.
If you know your spouse through
sexual encounter or illicit social
encounter, you have already
condemned yourself to all sorts of
evil in your family life. Because no
human who does not respect the
sacrosanct of Allah in
consummation will ever honor the
sanctuary of another human. If a
woman agrees to have sexual
encounter with a man before
marriage let that man be not
deceived, she can or she has as
well slept with other men. If any
man pressurizes a woman to have
sexual experience with him before
marriage, let that woman be well
assured that he has done that to
many more women. In short
premarital sexual exploits and
romances are the strongest clue
that what you are dealing with is
the devil. And if you marry a devil
then you have nobody to blame but
yourself.
But for those couples that have
already built their marital life on
such an immoral foundation, they
have to repent by rebuilding their
lives again on piety. Repentance
means that the woman should at
least pass through one menstrual
cycled before the marriage, and
they should abhor the past, and
take upon themselves never to
commit such offense again and
later if they have children they
should do their best to give them
the best character training on piety
and chastity. Those blessed with
children can achieve their
ambitions and gain spiritual heights
through their offspring.
You should be really choosy of
who becomes the father or mother
of your children. In a fair hadith, Ibn
Majah narrated from Aisha – the
blessing of Allah be upon her- you
should select the best for your
progeny, you should marry those
people equal to you and give out in
marriage to them”.
This is how Islam from the very first
beginning advices us to build the
foundation of our family life on a
solid rock foundation of chastity
and virtue that makes a marriage a
happy one.
May Allah continue to guide us all.

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